A woman came over to me at the school playground and acknowledged that it was brave to open up the topic and share such personal pain. As I wrote initially, "My own relationship with food was complex, compulsive, and unhealthy. I come from a loving, generous family of thin, healthy "foodies." I was the only member of the family who was overweight. It made for a lot of sadness all around."

A reader got in touch. "Thank you so much for shedding a light on this subject!" she wrote. "When I read your article, I felt immediately excited to tell you a little bit about myself." A compulsive overeater maintaining a nearly 100-pound weight loss for 5 years, she shared how her work in Overeaters Anonymous ushered in a new era.

"These feelings that everyone was talking about in your article was exactly how I felt my entire life. My earliest memories are of food — how I could get more, trying to eat in hiding or isolation because I was ashamed, thinking that I was so different than anyone else in the world."

Of course, the tragedy is that most women I know (perhaps you as well?) felt exactly the same things, and the longer we keep silent about our shame and pain, the longer those feelings consume us.

She continued, "I come from a very, very long line of compulsive overeaters. I've been to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where members share how their relatives passed away from diseases related to drinking or drunk driving accidents. Well, in my family, everyone seems to die from obesity-related diseases: heart disease, diabetes.

"My mother is morbidly obese and has been my entire life. I can vividly remember her trying every diet possible —losing a little bit of weight, only to gain it all back and then some. Currently she is battling the complications of Type 2 diabetes and will most likely have her foot removed."

She shared, "You would think that with all this family ‘knowledge,’ I would be able to stop. I was 23, stuck at a dead-end job, dating an abusive alcoholic, in tons of debt, 100 pounds overweight, losing my hair due to my weight, living with my parents, withdrawing from the whole world, but I just COULD NOT stop eating."

One’s parents’ behavior is critical in overcoming or avoiding food issues, says Ilene V. Fishman, LCSW, a psycho-therapist with a specialty in eating disorders. She has offices in Montclair and Manhattan.

"Parents are the most powerful role models in terms of children learning how to feel about their bodies and how to eat. It’s not just what we tell our children; they watch what we do. The best thing we can do for our children is to really get honest and healthy about our bodies and our relationship to food," she advised, "because our kids Get It and they pick it up."

Some interesting observations came in from my friend and food world associate, Nicky Mesiah: "You hit the nail on the head! In the black world, I have never seen a black woman with food issues like anorexia/bulimia. ‘Pleasingly plump’ and ‘thick’ were adjectives that described a meatier frame. Never did I know a mother who hovered over their plump kid. Consequently, blacks are saddled with serious health issues and some denial when it comes to food.

"My mom called me sturdy and I never felt offended. I used to have the perfect hourglass figure, too, after my sturdy phase. Black women are more concerned with ‘looking pretty’ than being thin. Thin is not looked upon as desirable in black culture, [it seems to me]."

What has worked for others? As Sharon Freedman, a friend and psychologist who practices in Montclair, put it, "My relationship with food has changed drastically since I was a kid. Although I’ve always been conscious of where food comes from (I stopped eating meat at age 14 because of this), eating has increasingly become an act of connecting to the land around me, as well as [what] occurs to bring it from the farm to the table. My sense of appreciation for what’s in front of me is much greater, and the act of eating is more pleasurable."

Now back to the reader for whom Overeaters Anonymous is truly a lifesaver. "One day," she wrote, "I heard something [that spoke to me]. They have a statement, ‘one is too many and a thousand is never enough.’ Entemann’s cupcakes popped into my head. That’s the day that turned my life around.

"I attended my first meeting and it was filled with thin, beautiful women. My immediate thought was, ‘what are all these skinny bitches doing here?’ But as soon as they began to share intimately, they were speaking my language! And the most important part? They were living full, beautiful, productive lives — and that was what I wanted."

My husband and I just saw "Rachel Getting Married." There’s a powerful scene shot in a 12-Step Program room, which brought me back to my years in OA. As I wrote two columns back, OA "helped frame a new philosophy of living in the moment and being grateful for the multitude of blessings in my life. But [it] didn’t ‘cure’ the overeating — and today I believe that repeating "My name is blah blah and I’m a compulsive eater" is counterproductive, reinforcing a negative affirmation in a life-denying way."

But I would never challenge its ability to work for people in emotional pain. And in that darkened movie theater, when I heard the NA meeting end with that familiar phrase, "Keep Coming Back, It Works If You Work It," well, it resonated.

If I’ve learned anything at all in this struggle, it’s that shame equals silence, and the best way through the pain is, well, through the pain. Don’t forget: there’s lots of help out there. Just reach out and grab it.

Karen Schloss Diaz is a partner of diaz • schloss communications, a Montclair-based restaurant marketing and consulting company.